Guest Post: The Gift of Rural North Dakota

After reading my thoughts about the Hazelton story, Troy had a great point about how sometimes a town just isn’t the right fit for you, so I asked him to write a guest post, which he very quickly did. He’s one of the funniest people I know, and as an all around great guy, you would think he could easily get along anywhere. I miss having him nearby, but sometimes, a family just has to go somewhere else. Go check him out over on Twitter and YouTube!

The Gift of Rural North Dakota

by: Troy Heidt

I grew up in rural areas all my life.   I always thought it was normal to have people looking in your shopping cart at the supermarket.   I thought that noticing rather or not your neighbor Cindy had her boyfriend’s car parked in front of her house all night was just the neighborly thing to do.   It’s even more neighborly if you exchange such information with your other friendly neighbors.   I learned that when someone offends you, the best way to deal with it is to just not speak to them for twenty or thirty years.   I learned how to be afraid of crowded places like a mall food court at noon, or The Denver Airport.   You can always tell us “rural” folks, we are the ones clutching our purses tightly or moving our wallets to our front pockets.

My wife grew up in Helena, Montana.  It was Montana’s capital city and she knew the joys of living by a Wal-Mart and going down the block for fast food.   She could shop without being watched.   She didn’t know most of her neighbors, so whoever was parked in front of their house was irrelevant. Her advice for offense is, “Get over it!”  She’s not freaked out by large groups of people and she doesn’t seem to be as self aware as most of the small town folk I know.

Marrying me was one of the hardest things my wife ever had to do.  Not just because I’m a self centered, lazy, and neglectful person- but she struggled because I brought her from a life of total freedom – to a life of total bondage.   She was forced to observe and live under the unwritten rules of rural society.

Some people thought she dressed funny.   Some people thought she talked funny.   Some folks thought it was funny that she wanted to go to McDonalds so badly.   She would get stares and backhanded questions when we first moved into our honeymoon town of 500 people that she hated.   She was looked at like a freak and the only thing she could think was, “Why are all these freaks, thinking I’m a freak!”   Life is a lot different when the minority becomes the majority and tells you that the way you live and the tastes you have are wrong!

The problem with our rural attitude is the fact that we don’t get as many chances to fail as more populated areas do.   Fat kids get to play on the basketball teams.   Loud and obnoxious people get to make decisions because we fear them.   People who dropped out of beauty school can still cut hair if you’re willing to sit in their kitchen and give them a “donation”.  You can be one of the rudest and most self centered people in town and still be a deacon at the local church.  We have a slide rule for family and friends and we let our amigos get away with murder.   If we don’t know you; we’ll run you out of our town for looking at us funny.

Now, I’m not against small town living.   I’ve lived in small towns my whole life.   I’ve even got my wife to come around to small town thinking.   We had a lady move into our town a couple of years ago and she’d come from a bigger place.   She had the answers to all of our problems!   She ended up moving back to where she came from after a year and a half of not being able to fix us.   I can’t say we were all that sad to see her leave. After she left we incorporated some of the changes she’d suggested.  They worked really well- but we weren’t going to let an “outsider” come in and show us up!

In a small town they say it takes up to five years before people begin to “accept” you- let alone respect you!   Most of us just don’t want to invest that much time into trying to impress people who really don’t impress us all that much.   On top of the battle to just prove you are a person, let alone a good one, we have harsh elements and scarce resources. There are two types of people who move into rural areas- people who get there and fall in love with the culture and area in spite of the hardships, and people who realize in the face of a culture shock: this isn’t my cup of tea.

I didn’t mind small town North Dakota all that much, but it wasn’t where I could best serve my purpose.   The problem with the whole Hazelton row is how it’s being handled.   Hazelton isn’t a bad place, it’s no different than any other small town.   The family from Florida that moved there just had to get away for awhile to realize that Hazelton wasn’t their home.   They had elderly loved ones who needed them and they had a different culture in their heart.   They will now go back to Florida and have more respect and appreciation for their home than they ever had before.   That’s a gift that the people of North Dakota have given them that will last them a lifetime.   I know, because it’s the same gift they gave to me.

• Bookmark :
• Digg
• del.icio.us
• Stumbleupon
• Redit it

Small Town Outsiders: Embrace The Change

By now, you’ve probably read the story of the Tristani family, who are ready to leave Small Town, USA, just 4 years after moving there. I strongly suspect there’s a lot more to the story than what is being told though. Were there people in Hazelton, ND, who were unwelcoming to this very strange family from South Florida? Certainly. Were there some in Hazelton who were warm, cordial, and glad to have new people in town? More than likely. Are elderly parents one of the reasons they’re moving back to Miami? Yes.

Yet, there are some things that we can all take to the bank from this story. Small Town people are notoriously resistant to change, after all, this town was fine when their kids were in high school 40 years ago, and it isn’t dead yet, so surely everything is fine, right?

Old History

Small towns across the USA are a tightly knit group. They’ve been around each other for a long time, have a plethora of inside jokes, know each others extended families, and know what topics around town just don’t get talked about. New people upset the balance they are accustomed to. They don’t laugh at jokes when everyone else does, constantly ask who you’re referring to, and cause quite a disturbance when they ask why you don’t change something. You probably should change something, but you’re dug so far into your rut that you don’t know it.

Different Lifestyle

When you leave one part of the US, and move to a completely different part of the US, don’t expect to fit in. The midwest isn’t known for being flashy. Guys are more likely to wear flannel and drive a pickup than to sport a rolex and cruise in a luxury car. Ladies are more likely to wear tight jeans and a close fitting shirt than to walk around in a mini skirt and exposing most of the skin above their waist. There are definitely exceptions, but when you roll into town, don’t be surprised if you’re a culture shock.

New Activities

While the larger towns may feature bars that often have live bands and lots of dancing, clubbing isn’t something that we tend to have as an option. Small Town, USA, is more likely to find a large crowd at the football game Friday night, a party at an old farm yard or river bend, driving around (quite possibly mud running), or chilling in a friend’s basement. There’s really no shortage of things to entertain yourself with, we’re just more likely to create it than just stroll in somewhere, expecting everything to already be ready to go for a good time.

All Small Towns Are Not Created Equal

When Hazelton offered lots and cash to move there, and more incentives to open a business there, it was a bold move. When a town stubbornly resists change it’s like rolling over with a whimper and playing dead, until somebody realizes you’re only pretending and finishes you off. I wish my hometown would try something as audacious as providing incentives to move there. Bigger towns frequently roll out the tax breaks and other perks to attract businesses. Small towns need to realize a business with tax breaks gets you more money than no business.

It’s very possible that there are much more friendly towns than Hazelton, but I guarantee there are also less friendly towns. I’ve done a little work in Hazelton, I’ve hung out with people from Hazelton. I even spent a year in Iraq with a Hazelton native. They’re good people, hard working folks who get the job done and go home to their families at night. Could they do more to be more open and inviting to new people? Well, couldn’t every small town? Couldn’t every family? Couldn’t their next door neighbor?

The fact remains that no matter where you go, there will be some unfriendly people. If you quickly adapt to the new culture, that will go a long way towards your acceptance. Not that you should have to change, diversity is good for any town. But if you have a fancy car and wear a lot of flashy jewelry in a town dominated by agriculture, you might want to at least tone it down a notch. Besides, don’t you tend to dress a little differently when you go on vacation?

Perhaps we should all consider forming a welcome wagon committee, meeting monthly to dream up new ways we can be more inviting and helpful to new families. In the past 15 years my hometown went from having its own school to sharing resources with the next town to shutting down our school when we merged with the other town in the county. One county, from 3 schools to 1, and the discussion continues for how long they’ll be able to do that until they must merge with yet another school. Can we afford to be the reason people don’t stay?

Help them unpack. Invite them over for dinner. Embrace their diversity while helping them acclimate to your culture. Show them around town. Encourage them to get involved with local organizations. Don’t make national news for being unfriendly. Whether you actually are isn’t known to me, but it’s the kind of bad press that’s hard to overcome.

• Bookmark :
• Digg
• del.icio.us
• Stumbleupon
• Redit it