Proper Date Conduct: Treating Ladies Right

Dear Internet,

I recently went on a date. For those who know me well, you already know that this does not happen often. For those who know me really well, you already know that I wasn’t sure if it was a date when it started.

How can I not know if it’s a date? Well, maybe it’s because I go on so few of them that I’m not totally sure what constitutes a date. Maybe it’s because I have a deep desire to get to know someone before we start dating (but trust me, there was no shortage of communication between us after we first met), and the date happened relatively quickly after we met. How did I realize it was a date? I went with my initial feeling of ‘we’re hanging out,’ but having no oppositon to it being a date if she called it such. Later that night, she referred to it as a date, so I’m going with that. I doubt she realized that’s how I was going about the evening, but I have only one regret about it.

But, internet, I’m getting sidetracked. This is a touchy subject in today’s culture, how should a guy treat a girl on a date? What’s the proper conduct?

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m an old school kind of guy. Open the door for her, properly escort her from place to place (I bring this up because we walked across a lot of ice, don’t let her fall), hug or not (again, old school, take it very slow with the kissing), give her your jacket when she’s cold (her teeth were chattering, so I went out in my t-shirt, despite her objections and insistence I wear the jacket), should I pay for everything myself? But what if she doesn’t want that treatment?

This is where it gets tricky, I think. It seems to me that some girls have been through some stuff in their lives, and are fiercely independent. Maybe they don’t want the door opened for them. They might think they didn’t prepare for the night well enough if I give them might jacket. Some modern women are just very self sufficient, and feel a bit insulted if us guys do too much for them. Others may be insulted if we don’t do those things for them. Others might not care one way or another, and just think that it’s sweet.

My use of social media makes things dicey too. I can’t help myself. I’m a smart guy, so I keep things vague, you’d have to know one of us pretty well to really figure anything out, but I don’t exactly hold back from hopping on Twitter/Facebook and say I’m going out with a girl tonight. Definitely don’t say anything I might regret later. But all my online friends really know is I’m going out, I’m a bit nervous/excited, and she’s smart and pretty.

People I talk to face to face, however, know more. It’s a more personal connection when I can see them, and I know I can trust them. I’m sure she’s told some of her friends about the night too (hopefully good things).

Anyway, how should us guys act on a date? I consider myself a chivalrous guy, and want to act as such, but I don’t want my date to feel uncomfortable either.

Maybe I’m over thinking it. Maybe all guys wonder about this stuff, and we just don’t talk about it. I don’t know, I’m just expressing a lot of stuff that’s been mixing through my head more than usual for about 4 days.

What was my 1 regret from the date? I didn’t start it by praying with her. Say whatever you want about me, I’m counter cultural like that, so deal with it. It’s simply something I decided I wanted to do while reading Joshua Harris’s excellent book, Boy Meets Girl. Fellow believers in Christ should understand, if the rest of the world doesn’t, that’s fine.

Regardless of how you feel about the previous paragraph, please comment here about what you think. Talk about me as much as you want, but if you know who the girl I was out with is, please respect her privacy and leave her name and any identifying details out of the conversation. Just because I live on the internet doesn’t mean everyone else does.

Thanks internet,

Shawn

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