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Please bear with me. This is not a post of great inspiration. There’s no great insight or helpful how to. This is a post of reflection, of expression, of putting a variety of thoughts into words. It is a collection of thoughts from weeks, months, years of life. There’s things I have no control over, things I may never get closure on, and things that may change with time.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of mainstream news. They politicize the news, misrepresent data, and fear monger. They ‘explain’ it and tell us what we should think rather than presenting it and allowing us to come to our own informed conclusion.

I’m tired of people misrepresenting stories and situations. If I see what happened, and witness you relaying a slightly different version of the events, I will begin to wonder how much of what you tell me I can trust. If someone says something involving me, I want you to ask for my point of view before lambasting me over something you weren’t around for.

I’m tired of being asked for free advice. If you’ve been working on your computer, or need a little feedback on what you want to do with your home theater, I’ll gladly help you out. But if you have a major project that requires expertise I’ve spent years building up, or needs me to do further research, I want you to recognize that knowledge is valuable. Your plumber and mechanic, don’t work for free, neither should I.

I’m tired of being ignored. I saw you handle that problem, make a needed upgrade, or take action on a suggestion. I want to know why you didn’t do anything when I brought it up? Why was it a good idea when someone else noted it? Why was it not taken care of until it was someone else’s problem? Why did a laundry list of things start getting resolved only after I was gone? Why can you not acknowledge, to me, that I noticed when you wouldn’t?

I’m tired of being ‘the negative one.’ You shared an idea, I asked a question about the execution of it. That is not me saying it’s a terrible idea. That is not me saying it can’t be done. That is me looking to get on the same page as you. It’s me making sure I prepare accordingly to make you look good.

I’m tired of red flags. The employers who communicate exceedingly well during the interview process are extremely rare. But increasingly I find you not acknowledging my application, or my follow ups. Or we do an interview or two and you stop communicating. Now I’m concerned you would just be another job of exceptional frustration. Give me a no or keep me in the loop as to the general status.

I’m tired of the status quo. You’re comfortable with the way things were. You understand it. It makes sense to you. It’s less work. But it’s not effective. You need a bold change, a new method, but are unwilling to step outside the box. Think less about what there is to lose, and more about what could be gained.

On a brighter note, I had my biannual checkup a couple weeks ago, and it came back clear. Praise the Lord, because I’m still tired of chemo, I definitely don’t want to do that again.

What are you tired of?