As I searched for “thattalldude” on namecheap it was more of a random thought than an expectation. Yet somehow, there it was. Thattalldude.com was available again. It had been a painful lesson when I finally went to renew that domain years ago only to find I had waited too long and someone else grabbed it, and they wanted to sell it for $8000. It’s been nearly 10 years but I have it again, and that was the only sign I needed that now is the time to fire up the blog again. It’s poorly thrown together with a theme I haven’t bothered to learn the ins and outs of, so forgive the bugs that are sure to pop up, as well as the word dump before you.
I never imagined my return to blogging would begin with updates on my war with cancer, but here we are. It’s been a hectic month since the urologist spent all of 3 minutes with me and declared “that has to come out.” Two surgeries, a couple scans, and lots of time healing on the couch have brought us to now, the night before I begin chemo.
The words for how I feel escape me. I’m not scared, perhaps wary is the right word. We seemingly all know someone who has dealt with cancer and shared their story, yet every story is different. Everyone responds a little differently. The most disconcerting thing about it all is the unknown. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do any work or if I’ll need to sleep all day. I don’t know if I’ll be nauseous. I don’t know how my taste will change. I don’t know if my immune system will be resilient or if it will be wiped out. I don’t know how well I’ll keep this blog updated.
There’s a lot of unknowns. What I do know is it feels good to be poking around in WordPress again. It feels good to have a blog again. What I do know is my wife loves me, even when she kind of hates me. What I do know is there are a lot of people who have offered to help in any way they can, some of whom have already stepped up. What I do know is we have a faithful and loving God, and somewhere in the midst of all the uncertainty, there He will be, a rock to lean upon.
I have cancer, and that kind of sucks, but we’ll get through it. It seems part of the journey is a sign that I should return to blogging. I don’t know how this blog will evolve through and beyond this war, but I hope it can be an encouragement to someone’s struggle.
God is good, all the time, even when bad things happen to us. He is bigger than this season of my life, and someday we’ll have a story to share of that way He revealed himself in the midst of it, the sign where we knew He was there.