Hi guys. Tiah here with some ‘Wifey Thoughts.’ Shawn keeps bugging me to write another post and I just keep explaining to him that I have nothing to write about. Now while that is sort of true, it isn’t exactly accurate. I have a lot of things to write about but none of them seem long enough or important enough to make a blog post about. So maybe I will just combine them all? I guess we will see how this goes. Sorry in advance if this post doesn’t make any sense or if it is all over the place.
Where do you think your life will be in 6 months? If someone would have asked me this in January, I never would have actually been able to predict what life would be like in June of 2018. Or rather that our life would be flipped upside down on April 23, 2018. My answer to that question probably would have been, “Hmm, well I hope we are pregnant by then. Hopefully we will be chipping away at the pickup loan and have that paid off by the end of the year. And I hope that we will be vigorously saving for a down payment on our first duplex (we have always wanted to get into investment properties). That’s all I hope for!” Now at the time, that wouldn’t have seemed like I was asking for all that much. Those all seemed like pretty attainable expectations/goals. But oh how life can change. Now 6 months later, we have been told we probably can’t conceive kids naturally and we are not putting as much into the pickup loan or savings as I would like (yay for medical bills). It is not easy. That’s for sure.
Fast forward to today, July 3, 2018, I am sitting in the infusion center with Shawn on what will [hopefully] be the beginning of his last 3 week cycle. If someone would ask me today what I think my life will be like in 6 months, I have two requests. That Shawn will be 110% cancer free and that I will be spending Christmas with my family. Now again, I don’t feel like that is a lot to ask for, so we will see what happens come December.
I really don’t know if I want to write about this. It’s not an easy topic. BUT I also really do want to write about it because so many couples struggle with infertility and not a lot of people talk about it. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t see anything wrong with not talking about your infertility, that is a personal preference. But Shawn and I have decided to share this journey with you all and this is part of it. We personally know several couples who have either gone through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infertility and I know there are many more that we don’t even know about. Our hope in sharing this is that it will help someone, somewhere, somehow, someday. Even if it is just one person. That is enough for me.
So what are my thoughts on this you ask? Ok maybe you didn’t ask, but I am going to tell you.
I have always wanted to be a mother. For as long as I can remember, the goal in life was to find the perfect man (check), fall madly in love (check), get married (check), and to start a family. And a lot of people know this about me. So several people reached out to me after Shawn posted the “Infertility” blog and were so saddened for me and expressed they were praying for our fertility journey. To those who reached out, thank you (you know who you are).
It was a very sad day when we found out this news. On top of an already full week of bad news, it was the icing on the cake. There were a lot of tears shed that day. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Being told you may not be able to conceive children naturally and being told that your husband has cancer in the same week was a lot. But through this whole journey I have had such peace. I can’t even explain it. And I know that peace can only come from God.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
To me it doesn’t matter if we have children biologically, if we adopt, or if we find another way. I could care less. I just want to start a family with my husband. We will make that happen someday! The “how” is to be determined though. But guess what? That is ok!
Shawn is still doing relatively well. His biggest side effect is fatigue. He experienced some aches/pains in his legs and nausea a couple weeks back but those have since gone away (yay for the chiropractor). Yesterday was the start of week 10. His cancer markers continue to drop which is so good. So hopefully only 3 weeks left and Shawn will be done with chemo! Shawn has follow up tests all day on July 31 and a follow up appointment with the oncologist on August 2. Pray that we will hear the words “cancer free” that day. The doctor has explained to us though that additional chemo or even surgery may still be a possibility. But we continue to believe that this is a season of life and that at some point in life we will be able to use our experiences to share with others who are going through a similar situation.
Life may be hard at times, but God is so much greater than our struggles.
Thank you for your openness throughout this time. I am still impressed on the Amy you and Shawn have been handling the situation. We are still praying for the cancer to be cured and that life could be somewhat normal again.
Hey Tiah, You Certainly captured my heart and Love with this writing of yours ! You Do an Excellent job, of capturing your thoughts , with Paper and Pen….
Every day and Night, My Prayers are for You and Shawn, and Prayers are Powerful… You have so Many People that surround you with their Love and support and indeed their Prayers….
One Day at a Time…
Love and hugs forever….
We love you both more than we can express. We know God is working a mighty plan thru all of this….and someday we may or may not know what that is…but we know He is in control and that is what matters.
Hugs…..hugs some more!
Thank you Tiah for your openness…fertility is NOT an easy or open item of conversation. Greg and I too have been given the cross to bear of infertility. Our situation is different from yours in that I have built a relationship with Greg’s children as stepmom; however, it is 17 years later and I am called “mom” & Grandma Michelle but more importantly they are MY children too. Continued prayers to you and Shawn…God has a plan and it is good!